Dear beloved readers,

It’s been hectic, crazy, messy, and inconsistent around here. There has been a whole delicious honeymoon, a ton of baking, and if I am being quite honest, a few incredibly chaotic bowl movements. There’s been a lot of joy and happiness, a lot of fun and found memories. God, beloved readers, I feel so freaking alive in every sense of the word – it’s great, but intense, in a good way but still. 

As I’ve recently celebrated my 24th birthday, my last year before my mid-twenties arrive, I’ve been wondering a lot about what it means to be present, even though I feel myself constantly looking forward to everything in the future, be it the next episode of And Just Like That, or whenever Big and I will have a day off together, or hoping football will be back sooner rather than later. And let’s face it, this summer is the hottest I can remember, and that doesn’t help it at all, I find myself constantly hoping fall will arrive so this hell of a sauna will pass. 

Well, one thing that I am proud of recently is that, as my birthday recently approached, I found myself being consumed by and old, familiar feeling of grieve and nostalgia, you know, girls on their birthdays get it, and I did the only thing I can count on to feel better and proceeded to read old posts of this blog to find that understanding, relatable aspect that would give some sort of meaning to my angst. And the most common theme I seem to have written about time and time again when the birthday blues took over my life was fear of aging. It was almost pathetic reading about a 19 years old thinking of herself as aging and old, but more than that, it made me realize how that is just not a concern I carry with me anymore, I don’t find aging terrifying, or even an uncomfortable thought. 

I mean, I think the main concern I had about aging, was the fear of forever being that OG, lost as hell, girl on the go, never having my shit together, being lonely, no purpose or anything. And as silly as that TikTok meme may be, I feel like whatever happens to me in this life, at least I found the love of my life and he is mine and I am his. That feels good, and right, and fulfilling. And also, of course, I feel like I have purpose, and my shit together, or at least enough to consider myself an accomplished 24 years old woman, and I keep surprising myself you know? I started this year thinking the oven was merely extra storage, and now I actually make bread! 

I don’t think aging is something that scares me these days. When I was like 14, I was seeing this guys ridiculously older than me, and he used to say that when I reached 30 I’d probably be the prettiest woman alive. At the time I was offended, something about it made it feel like I wasn’t neither a grown woman or beautiful, but now I kinda know what he is referring to. The older I get, the older I give a fuck what people think, and I am more confident, and thus I am undeniably prettier.

But, it doesn’t matter how old I get, I will always want to spend my birthday finishing a very well enjoyed, unironic marathon of the Twilight saga.  That shit gives me life. And after my Christmas traditions it’s probably the one I cherish the most. I think it makes me feel young one last time before the big moment, and honestly? The more the years go by, it feels like it shrinks up more and more. I don’t want to say it’s becoming insignificant, because I still love to celebrate myself, but it definitely doesn’t feel as grand as it once was. 

I don’t know, I feel happy, and accomplished, feelings I could only hope for years ago are now my everyday life, and I can only hope this year is the best one yet. 

Beloved readers, I hope you forgive me for this very belated update, and I will be back next week with an exciting, pink, Barbie-licious movie review! Stay safe and out of trouble but, if you don’t – oh my god, tell me all about it. 

– Your Girl On The Go