Dear beloved readers,

I have a weird confession to make regarding this new season. For the first time since this show first aired, I am not remotely interested in these couples. It feels unsettling, because I do still want to follow the show and see who makes to the alter, who doesn’t, but the more I think about this cast, and this show for that matter, the more I realize that it will be harder and harder for Netflix to ever find a group that isn’t merely interested in the fame aspect of having this sorta of exposition. Because that is what this show feels for most of its current contestants: A fame grab. 

Observations aside, I did watch all three new episodes Netflix released, and this, beloved readers, is what you missed on Love Is Blind, season 4: 

• Tiffany & Brett:

I’ve never seen a couple in this show that the remote idea of them saying “no” at the altar literally sounds impossible. But I’ve also never been this bored my whole entire life…Don’t get me wrong. Tiffany and Brett are goals, they are perfect, they are perhaps the living proof that love truly can be blind, that the experiment works, yada yada. But sometimes I wonder if the chemistry even is there, you know? 

I don’t see them crazy in love about each other, and maybe this is a more mature relationship, as we know Tiff is one of the oldest and wiser of the bunch. But at this point, I’d dare and say I feel a lack of sparkle even. I am still rooting for them, and I truly feel like the idea of them saying “no” is unimaginable, and I guess that’s what I am missing from them – keep me on my toes, keep me guessing! 

• Micah & Paul:

Or, as I like to call them: Rotten & Delusional.

I am sorry, there’s no way in absolute hell that Paul isn’t just with Micah for her looks, it probably satiates some nerdy, childhood trauma – plus, the fact that she is identical to his mother should’ve been perhaps the biggest red flag I’ve ever seen anywhere. I mean, talk about mommy issues, this is weird! 

Micah is, to me, the definition of so many things I find hard to name it. She is a woman-child, with this whole pretty speech about positivity, empowerment, energies, and whatever else, but you and I both know that Micah’s personality is more a resemblance of the left-over food resting disgustingly on top of my sink’s drain – I don’t want to touch it, ever. 

It’s funny though, her whole beef with Irina this episode (which was laughable), because she does feel at the same time like the main character of the show. Even though I do believe she’s a walking contradiction, and I’ve met pieces of stationary paper with more personality than Micah. But I also spent this entire week thinking about how refreshing it was to have the villains in the season to be women! I mean talk about inclusivity and diversity (for Love is Blind, going three years now with only problematic men, and not nearly enough problematic women!). It’s honestly kinda badass! Don’t just give me delusional women with clingy tendencies, show that we too can be scummy, hell yeah! 

Seriously, if these two get married, I may resign my quest to be the spokesperson for this show. But also, if I am being honest, I couldn’t care one bit about this wedding, bring me the reunion already!!!

• Chelsea & Kwame:

*Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

My everything hurts for Chelsea. How come the good women, the ones we love to love and support, end up (blind with horniness) falling for the emotionally unavailable, and in this case specifically, the clout chasers – and Kwame, if you are reading this right now: There’s nothing lower than being a Netflix sub-celebrity. Nothing! 

That phone call with his mom was textbook bullshit! It reminded me of being a child and telling my mom to say no to going to a sleepover just so I wouldn’t have to attend – but in his case, is just so he doesn’t have to be married. Oh, we’ve seen this before, what a fucking waste of my girl’s Chelsea’s time. 

Honestly, and this is when it gets sad: If it wasn’t for that dog, I think Kwame would be long gone now. And I feel so bad because it’s very obvious to me that he isn’t there for the same reasons as she is. That whole part where she talks about how lonely it is to be single, I remember that so well I cried! People need people, Chelsea knows that and wants to have someone to come home to, and more than just that, she is looking for forever, for someone to love. 

Here’s my general opinion about this show, it happened last season with Nancy and Bartise (I STILL HATE THIS MAN WITH EVERY LIVING FORCE OF MY BEING): It feels like this whole experience, of finding someone, getting engaged, only truly means that to the women involved in the show. Even though yes, getting engaged, making it to the bloody altar, is a huge deal, even if it happens in a ridiculously fast fashion and it feels like a buffoonery, it is still real, you still dated (more than that) this person. So I do I see, season after season, women getting crazy involved with these men, who make up the altar with them, just so a week later they can call the women their “exes” as if the word following is “girlfriend” instead of “fiancée”?

I obviously feel bad for Chelsea, partially because Kwame is toying with her, partially because she’s clearly thinking with her vagina, but I do not see this ending well for her. I hope this is one of those scenarios that, when we make to the reunion, and Nick Lachey asks her if she is still single and looking, she confesses she found the love of her life, out in the open, and is living happily ever after.   

• Irina Bliss & Zack:

Do I have to? Please don’t force me, I beg you, please.

People. I don’t fucking get this!!! This guy is the epitome of weird, he irks me, he, again, looks like a stinky Property Brother. And I am really sorry if this is mean, but he truly is awkward and weird, and the fact that he had the BALLS to go after Bliss, after rejecting her for Irina, tells me a lot about this guy’s notion of common sense. Bliss and Zack make me uncomfortable, miserable, it feels like they are both after fifteen minutes of Netflix fame, and they have zero chemistry. 

I honestly get itchy talking about them, so I won’t – but no, I have zero hopes for them, they are the weirdest couple, I hope Netflix gets me as a cast consultant for next season ‘cause I won’t be sitting through another Zack.

Well, beloved readers, I truly did wait for this season, so it kinda sucks that I haven’t been as in love with it as I had hoped I would…Oh, well, I still be here weekly, dissecting this bullshit and trying to make the best out of this (It’s so bad I am missing Shack, y’all…TRAGIC!). Stay safe and out of trouble but, if you don’t – oh my god, tell me all about it. 

– Your Girl On The Go