Dear beloved readers,

One of my finest childhood memories is the day I won a gold fish. It was a Monday, and per usual, my mother woke me up screaming as we were going to one of my many weekly swimming classes – did I ever tell you guys I was a swimmer?! Yeah, real story. I used to be a swimmer, winner of many competitions and all. I quit because I wanted to be blonder and the chlorine filled water was making my hair green so, priorities, you know? Anyways, I remember getting out of the car and walking the hallway that led to the back of the building where the pool was, and per usual, the hydrogymnastics was wrapping up, and then I see my swimming teacher through the glass, she has a glass bowl in her hand, and that bowl is filled with appears to be countless pieces of paper, and then she says over the mic, my very name. 

I was confused, euphoric, excited, I had no idea what this was about but upon hearing my name I knew it had to be the best thing ever. And then they handed me a plastic bag where a gold fish was unhappily constricted in. My mother gave me a glare, as if saying “For the love of God, do not accept it.” But by the time they handed it to me I had already named the fish, and it was coming home with us. The fish didn’t last very long, sadly, and neither did my luck strike. I thought that moment would sorta change my life like that iconic Lindsay Lohan movie Just My Luck, featuring not only hot as fire Chris Pine, but my very favorite boyband, the even more iconic McFly. I though my win would be the start of a lifelong of luck that would, well, be fucking awesome. That didn’t happen, which is okay, at least I got to say that once in my life, luck had smiled my way.

And then, about ten years later, my swimming teacher and I see each other for the first time in years, and I bring up this moment, the luckiest moment of my life, and she laughs hard, to the point that there are tears forming on the corners of her eyes, and she goes: “Oh honey, we arranged for you to win that!” 

Motherfucker. 

Turns out, not only luck had never smiled my way, but I had never actually won anything in this life. Not even a church bingo. And that kinda stung. It was like having one of the coolest facts about me revoked, and I mean sure, I know what you are thinking, if one of the coolest fact about you is that you won a goddamn fish, then maybe go outside and live more, but seriously it hurt!

I lived life knowing that I had never won anything, but also aware that I am young and things may happen still, there is still luck to be had. But last year, after that writing award I didn’t get, and wrote extensively about how bitter I was, I kinda gave up on this lucky dream of ever actually winning. It slipped to the back of my mind to that place where dreams go to die, and you kinda lose access to with time.

Now, a whole year later, you couldn’t image my surprise when in class and my professors stopped us to announce the winner of the Medallion, for the best student in the graduate program. Now, I had not a single fucking clue this was even a thing to begin with. I sat there pretty still, knowing this announcement was awakening a part of me that not only didn’t make me feel good about myself, but a part of me that made me feel envious and jealous, things I do not condone. I took a deep breath, and I got into a headspace in preparation for something I didn’t even know existed, but knew now it would be forever the thing I would’ve hated losing the most. And then…

They say my name.

Imagine the feelings I felt about the fish times a million. It’s kinda crazy when I think about it even now, after almost a week. I had been kinda dragging my feet around for a while regarding my Masters, I had been feeling unmotivated, unhappy, absolutely pissed about so many things, especially unprofessionalism, and there I was, winning an award that honored my professionalism, my dedication, my incredible hard work – in my fucking second language. 

It wasn’t only deserved, but much, much needed. And it felt like all those nights i had spent practicing my Oscar winning speeches finally served a purpose, I was an award winner, what am I saying? I am an award winner, and fuck if it feels good. 

I don’t know if luck has smiled at me, because this beloved readers, was no luck. This was blood, sweat, and tears. But I do feel lucky, lucky for being here, for being the happiest I’ve ever been, for all the love I have in my life and all the things I’ve been working on, in both myself and every other aspect of my life. Maybe luck is an illusion we create to name what we can’t understand. I am sure many people will say I was lucky, but I was dedicated and hard working, and I did my best. And hey, if that best earned me something as great as a goddamn medallion? Hell, I did damn good. 

Well, every time I go through a moment where my inner saboteur takes over my mind, you may (and I insist that you do) remind me that I am an award winner writer (writing student, but fucking still, after all my writing quality is one of the reasons I won this award). I feel awesome, I feel revitalized, and full of hope that for a second there, felt lost. Well, beloved readers, stay safe and out of trouble but, if you don’t – oh my god, tell me all about it. 

– Your Girl On The Go