Dear beloved readers,

I think I am one of those people, perhaps the worst type of people, that truly hate Christmas/anything Christmas related until it’s one week before Christmas and I go from the actual Grinch to like, Mrs. Claus, which is pretty disturbing. I think it’s because I am way too attached to my traditions so like, I gotta cuddle with my momma in bed while drinking hot cocoa and watching Tim Allen turn into Santa Claus because that’s just what we do, you know? Just like on Christmas Eve, I know I will be watching Home Alone 2 because that’s just what I always do and yeah.

Christmas, if you celebrate, has this almost touchable atmosphere that makes me so uncomfortable when it’s there before it’s actual Christmas time, but when it is it’s almost like being five again. Everything has a smell, a vibe, and you just get excited over things like pajamas and even if some things can be stressful, for instance my family this year decided that instead of buying a present for everyone, we should just do a secret santa and that be it, that way you know, you just buy one present – which is total bullshit in my opinion since this family has people like my mom in it, and trust me when I say my mother will never be able not to buy everyone everything, but yea the thought that counts –, which is such a smart idea but then if you are lucky like me you will end up with your bratty 12 years old cousin’s name on your little piece of paper and instead of being actual Santa and giving the little bitch a good coal, ya know, since she was indeed naughty this past year, nope, gotta buy her ten different crop tops that she probably will get embarrassing for getting but for the wrong reasons, I guess thats what 12 years old kids are wearing nowadays. But overall, I am counting the minutes to eat good food, jam my Christmas carols like the motherfucking Mariah Carey y’all know I am, and to try spend quality time with my family.

I am writing this one while it’s storming outside and as I listen to my good’ol Glee Christmas playlist, because truly, how could I not? And all I can think about right now is how last year I was so excited to write what I then called my Celebratory Christmas List. Now, you may be wondering why I am not at it already, telling you guys all things I’ve done this past year that are worth celebrating, and truth is, I could sit down and write down another list, but being brutally honest here, just like I am not writing a goals list for next year, I am also not sitting down and being all nostalgic over 2018 because I am truly so over it.

I think as I am growing and evolving as a human being, I am slowly but surely realizing that there are far more important things in life than our conquers or what we attempt to call conquers but truly are just good things that happen and specially, not to make a big deal of them. Or, maybe, I am just not gonna go there again because one of the items of that stupid list was quit smoking, which I never truly did, so there ya have it, I am a phony.

No, but seriously, why is it important to count down the good things that happened this year when in the back of my head I will be disappointed that maybe my list won’t be as long as last years or because maybe there were more downs this year than last year? Why should we measure the year in good memories instead of, I don’t know, cups of coffee (yes, I watched RENT way too many times, get over it), hun?

The thing is, last Saturday, me and Tony went to this bar as our final bar of the year and we got, surprisingly very drunk, so drunk we came up with a theory that 2018 sucked because it ended with an even number, if that even makes sense…I don’t know, I cannot tell you how our last single brain cell – that we share, by the way – works when we are drunk. But I just don’t wanna get frustrated over how many bad memories I have from this year and how small my list of accomplishments would be comparing to 2017’s one.

I am so done with feeling the need to list down everything nice just for my own ego sake to say, well look I did this, this and that, as if all that, this and this would erase the bad things that also happened, and are just as valid, if not more valid, and that were also a big part of the year. And to be honest, it was scientifically proven that we learn from our mistakes way better than we learn from good experiences, therefore we should be focusing on the bad stuff to begin with.

See, I just turned into a big green Grinch all over again. Sigh.

In all seriousness, I am pretty sure this year was rough on me from day fucking one and I expect it to be a hard one until the very last day. And when it hits midnight on December 31st, I won’t be all hopeful that this next one will be filled with this, this and that. In fact, I won’t hope, expect, make a list, set goals, nothing. Because even though I am a hell of a planner, sometimes making plans about your very unknown and unsure future is as clever as drunkly saying that odd numbers are better than even ones.

The truth is, life is not easy, and as you grow older, it’s supposed to get actually harder, you just become better at dealing with everything. Trust and believe, if I faced the amount of stuff I faced in 2018 when I was like 15, I would be praying and hoping and longing for 2019 to be better, but I am almost 20, and if there’s one single thing I’ve learned by now is that, we should measure the year by everything that went by, including the amount of grey area you had during that one. And, even though it sounds sad, actually makes me feel wise and mature, because for once I am not wishing for anything other than to keep trying my best and to face everything that life will likely throw at me just gracefully as I at least tried to do this past year. And you know what? Unlike last year, when I had hopes and dreams for the future, this one I don’t have that many, but I’ve never been surer that I would be okay.

Until next week, for the last of the year, that I promise will be a juicy one, so stay tuned! If you celebrate Christmas, I wish you all a great one, filled with good food and lots of love, and if you don’t I wish you a great week! And to all of you, Christmas celebrators or not, stay out of trouble! Time is still ticking, Santa is still watching and you don’t wanna be on the naughty side of the list, or maybe you do, and in the case – oh my god, tell me all about it.

– Your Girl on the Go