Dear beloved readers,

I had a rough week. After a few disagreements with close friends of mine and a lot of stress, I pretty much considered doing yet another post here about how much it sucks to grow up and lose friends along the way. But you are probably already tired of me rambling and would much rather read my rants about, hell even me removing my stitches – thank you for everyone who worried about that by the way –, than that again.

Luckily, a dear beloved reader contacted me just yesterday. And boy when you guys decide to share your trouble, you guys never disappoint. Of course I am not going to talk about whatever my reader came to talk to me but let’s just say they inspired me a lot to write this one. It’s such a complicated topic because it is just as taboo as the virginity post I wrote just last week, but oh well…I just don’t care.

One of the most curious things about our society is that, for some reason, people are obsessed with labels. From shoes to purses, from relationship status to sexuality. You have to be part of a category and be labeled as so, if not to be accepted, to feel part of something. But society often forgets that there’s a difference between calling red sole shoes Louboutins and asking for a 15 years old to identify their sexuality and with that, wear a label so it is “less confusing”, as if they are doing it for the kids’ sake and not purely because people just cannot stand anything that escapes the ground rules of our heteronormative society.

The thing about sexuality is that, just like gender, it can be such a fluid thing. People often act as if they need to know what you are because otherwise they say you are confused and lost and that it probably is just a phase…Which trust me, just sucks. Growing up and in the process of discovering ourselves, I know everyone wondered, and searched, and watched, and talked about it with friends about their doubts and ‘forbidden’ desires and everything else they felt even slightly curious about. And this is my way to tell you all that this? Sexuality being confusing and messy at a certain age – hell even as a grown up, who cares!? – is completely normal and does not make you a freak for not knowing where you stand at, not being sure what you identify as and even not having a label for yourself.

People treat this as if it’s either black or white, but trust me there’s a whole lot of grey area in between and even if they don’t act as, that grey area is just as valid as the black and white. And I know, it’s is after all 2018, I bet 10 out of 11 of your friends are either gay or bisexual or pansexual and hell, this is so great. I really don’t get what possibly could be confusing about what a person like and who they like. If only society wasn’t such a control freak bitch and just allowed people to explore, to feel free to try things without the pressure of labeling after. Because trust me, I have straight friends who tried making out, making love with people from the same gender as them and they just freak out, asking what did that mean? and what does that make me? when the real question they should be asking themselves is Did I like it? Was it fun for me? Do I want to have more? Without the pressure of having to take everything so damn serious for pure society pressure.

Growing up, I identified myself as straight until my early 17’s. Sure I had wondered before through the sapphic world out of pure curiosity and I found it super amazing, but I never felt the need to be with a woman. I just guessed it wasn’t my thing. Physically wise they were just as appealing to me as men were though, which at some point made me wonder if I was bisexual and made me hella confused as well. And then at some other point, I decided I didn’t want a label, sexuality, as I said before, to me was always such a clear concept when it came to being fluid. I knew deep in my heart that it didn’t matter, I certainly wasn’t going to face some case of internal homophobia and I’ve always been so comfortable with myself and always vowed to live my truth. Sure, I am the lucky 10% that probably is so whatever about their sexuality that it actually freaks people out. The question is always “What are you?” and not “What makes you happy?” as it should be. So one day I asked myself what made me happy, when it came to relationships and attraction, and all the stuff that came in my mind was a kind soul and someone to love me, and as silly as it sound, when I pictured what I liked as in a physical shape, it didn’t matter if it was a boy or a girl or anything in between, I realized then and there that my attraction was way more about people than gender. I literally do not care about gender what so ever, to me it’s all about the person and how they treat me and how they make me feel, whatever they are, I am okay with that. And as soon as I realized that and was okay with that, god my life was so much easier.

I went through this labeless phase for while, until one day, doing research, I found the world pansexual, and after digging a bit, I was like ‘yep, that’s me’. A person who loves someone regardless their gender. There, black and white, so simple, and yet I cannot tell you how many looks I get when I tell people. I had even people asking me if that meant I had sex with animals, which only proves that I either have this weird ass vibe, or people are just as uneducated as that, or even that people are so into their little tiny box with their little tiny concepts of what one can be, and should that they are completely unaware when it comes to what they can be.

I don’t mind having to explain what I am, I am well aware that not everybody researches and not everyone at some point struggled with having to find a category to fit. It kinda sucks that even after I found a damn label, which seemed to be some kind of norm, I still struggle with having people questioning it, or invalidating it just because it’s not black or white. And honestly, that makes me feel a little bit special, I always loved to be different and thank god I didn’t born with such a small mind that I don’t feel okay loving who I am and accepting who I love. I live my life with the certain that I am true to myself and I have no regrets when it comes to that.

If you are a dear beloved reader who questions their sexuality, don’t know what to do, don’t seem to fit nowhere, and is scared of what everything means, trust me, nothing has to be anything. Your sexuality and your path into discovery, should be filled with adventures and searches and trying stuff and having a ton lot of fun. Don’t, please dear god don’t, take yourself so serious when it comes to that. It’s a fluid thing, it’s more than okay to feel into something somedays, and other stuff in different days, or even into nothing at all. As long as you are comfortable in your own skin and being true to yourself, my only concern is if you guys are being safe, otherwise bless your heart, go live your life, don’t give a single fuck of what society tells you you should or should not do, who you should or should not love. I don’t care if your friends are judgmental, or if your folks are close minded, or even if your boyfriend will freak out if he finds out that you also like girls – or even worse, ask if it means you are into threesomes, big time eyeroll –, the only thing I care about is your happiness and you feeling comfortable to love whoever they may be. And this should be your only concern as well.

I hope you liked this one because I can assure you I wrote this whole thing with a smile on my face and my heart so full that I get to be the one to tell you guys this. Having people coming to me through this blog to ask those personal question, and being able to help them is what made me want to start this blog in the very first place – even if at times, it seems that I only created this as an excuse to share drunk embarrassments with you guys. Until next time, know I am always here for you, love freely and carelessly without worrying about it too much, don’t give a single fuck for what society considers right or wrong, ask yourselves what makes you happy and live your life based on that answer and of course stay out of trouble, and if you don’t, well you know what to do.

– Your Girl on the Go