Dear beloved readers,

It’s Friday and it’s safe to say I’ve been rotting here in my bed for the past four days or so. If you remember, a few months ago I was complaining about toothaches and dear god, they weren’t getting any better. After a quick dentist appointment I decided to remove the last drop of wisdom I had in me and remove all my four wisdom teeth. The decision, maybe a little harsh but hella necessary. The surgery went super okay and the recovery might be a little bitch with the constant stitches bleeding and having to ice my face every 20 minutes or so just so I can stop looking like a freaking chipmunk, but it’s also going well. I just took an easy week and decided to binge watch Glee – don’t even ask – while high on painkillers and suffer in silence because I couldn’t sing along with the cast.

But now I am a few days away from removing my stitches and feeling a whole lot better again so at least I have something to look forward to.

Since this week was pretty slow, I don’t have any exciting news or juicy content to share with you guys, but since the whole vibe of my week was pretty much uncomfortable, I am going to talk about something just as uncomfortable today.

So…Virginity.

Before you freak out I am most certainly not here to tell you in all details how I lost my V card. In fact, you don’t have to worry about anything even related because if anything, I am about to write the good ol’ myths I’ve heard all my life regarding the whole virginity situation.

If you are guy, I bet your life was rush until you finally got to seal the deal. Believe it or not, I have a guy friend who once told me that he divided his live in two periods: virgin and non-virgin. While for men it seems like sex was always a rush until they got there, and they just needed to get there as soon as possible, for women it’s all about waiting. And waiting, and waiting, and waiting a little more. I can’t speak for every women out there, but if you during your life heard things along the lines of ‘you should wait until someone special’ or ‘sex is meaningful and you need to do it only with someone who cares for you’ or even, ‘you don’t want to rush this, because if you do, well you are a slut’, I am very sorry. The world is a pathetic sexist place, and trust me, I know it seems as if I have been pretty much repeating myself over and over when it comes to that topic, but unfortunately it’s true. It goes along the lines of if you are a guy and you have a lot of sex with a bunch of women, for some you will be seen as a jerk, but for other you are just a lucky son of a bitch. But, if you are woman who wants sex with a lot of guys, I am so sorry my dear but the rules don’t work the same way for you. Because well, basically if you want to screw a bunch of guys not only you  are a cheap slut, but you also have ‘issues.’ You couldn’t possibly just want sex for fun, like guys do, so the desire must be coming from low self-esteem, depression, or because you’re ‘ugly’ and can’t get a boyfriend or whatever. And both of these judgments are problematic as fuck. Okay I took a deep breath, we are not focusing on that today…

So when it comes to the big V, our society is as sexist as ever but the thing about virginity and I am going speak from my side, as a woman, because I honestly don’t really know a lot of the virginity myths when it comes to guys – well except that it won’t be nothing like the porn movies –, so start stating the fact that “virginity” is more like a concept than an actual thing. It’s like a whole big social construct, there’s nothing valuable or precious about virginity, it’s an imaginary concept build based on a heterocentric society that pretty much wants to evaluate your worth based on weather or not you’ve had a dick inside you. Which is pathetic. They simply decided to make a huge deal about it for us women, since “losing the virginity” to having casual sex. And all of that is related with the previous mention of how everything we do is held against us in a wrong way, almost as if everything we do that is “socially frown upon” is going to reflect badly on us and make us unworthy.

Let’s start with the fact that you don’t lose your virginity, there’s no such thing as that, this whole virginity equals breaking your hymen literally makes zero sense when a lot of girls are not even born with one. So what, they were born non virgins already? Please, it’s a pathetic concept that your sex life stats once you had something in there to break something that might not even be in there! Also, sex is a lot more than penetration, there’s literally so much you can do that doesn’t involve things inside, what you define as sex is up to you, you get to decide how many people you’ve had sex with. It really is that simple people just have this awful conception that we should follow guidelines and patterns that were created so long ago that they don’t make sense, and honestly, I don’t think they ever did.

Now, about that old cliché that you should wait for someone special? Sorry, but bullshit. Sure you can save yourself if you want, or even wait until marriage, but this pretty much says that you should wait for SOMEONE ELSE to take that step, almost as if this isn’t about you at all, like this isn’t regarding your life. Your first time should be about you. Always. Go for it when you feel ready, you don’t need to wait for a prince charming or settle for a fuckboy, once you feel like the time is right, just do it for yourself. We are humans and we have desires and needs and libido and for crying out loud you, as a woman, should feel free to explore all of that and not for it to be taken as such a taboo thing. It’s 2018, we are allowed to enjoy pleasure and sex as much as anybody else. So just, don’t hold onto the concept that by having sex you are losing something, losing your virginity, I might be getting repetitive, but trust I just want to make sure you understand that there is no such thing as that. People seem to be obsessed with the idea that, by having sex, men are getting something, whereas women are giving up something. It’s outdated, it’s offensive, it’s sexist, and it’s psychologically destructive for women, because it has the power to mislead girls into thinking that having one not-ideal sexual experience means that they have lost a part of themselves.

If you have this whole fantasy about your prince charming and how your first time should be, then again you can do whatever you want and I am here to support you 110% when it comes to you making good choices for yourself. But just like everything in life, you should come first and be your main concern. Also, I don’t want to kill the buzz or whatever but you are most likely going to have a ridiculous amount of meaningless sex in your life, not saying it won’t be great or you won’t enjoy it, just saying that it’s not always going to mean anything other than sex, and that’s totally fine we are allowed to have shallow things too and to enjoy them.

My first time wasn’t with someone special, it was with a first boyfriend whom I trusted, I guess and it wasn’t good at all. That whole expectation died as soon as it was over and I was pretty much staring at the dark ceiling thinking ‘is that really it? I don’t even like it!’ and then I spent a whole long time thinking it maybe just wasn’t my thing, but I also remember being disappointed and thinking that this was my fault because I didn’t wait for someone who loved me and who I loved, I felt bad because I thought I was ready and I legitimately ended up crying on my friend’s shoulder saying that I ruined everything and that I would never get it back and that I was never going to have sex ever again. Now, I get to laugh about that and I don’t at all for a single second regret my first time. Sure it wasn’t good, and sure it wasn’t special, but I was ready, I made a choice focusing on myself and what I felt it was right, and even if it was nothing what I imagined it would be, it opened me a lot of doors and allowed me to learn a lot about this whole sex thing. Now I know what I like it and how I like it and I am pretty sure this came from me realizing that this is just as much about me than it should be about what everyone else thinks. And once you embrace the fact that it’s your life and you should live it as you please, I am telling you everything will be so much simpler.

Until next week, don’t remove four teeth at the same freaking time and don’t waste your time listening to people who will judge you by the amount of sex you’ve ever had, specially when they are most likely jealous because you know how to enjoy yourself just right. Stay out of trouble, and if you don’t – oh my god, tell me all about it.

– Your Girl on the Go