Dear beloved readers,

Five days into this new year and already a lot happened. I feel somewhat overwhelmed almost, I have so much going on in my head with everything that happened in those past few days and I am literally a mix of so many emotions that I get to say, of all the starts of years this has been the most dramatic so far. And if this has anything to say with how this one is gonna roll, well all I can say is brace yourselves, because if I may, I will be a tad bit extra today.

Attempting to keep up my promise and the only New Year’s resolution I made on 2016, I didn’t by any means want to finish my 2017, – literally the last minutes of the last day – drunk. You all know the coma story and even if I am never, ever drinking that much again, I had such a cool, sober year and I didn’t want to risk it, not even when I was invited to a last minute house party one of my good friends were throwing.

You see, it was Saturday, the day before New Year’s Eve and I just had the chance to watch what I will be calling as the best new musical of all times aka The Greatest Showman – seriously, go watch it right NOW, I didn’t know I needed a duet between Hugh Jackman and Zac Efron until I had it and now I know my life was nothing before that– and I was actually looking forward to spend the last night with the year having a post musical sleepover with my best friend, since this year we lacked in that department – and by that I mean being actually best friends, let alone doing sleepovers. Sigh. – but when this house party opportunity presented itself, I knew my sleepover was long gone and I was about to face a lot of stupid drinking games and probably wasting the last day of a great year doing something I simply hate – doing something for the sake of doing it not because I actually enjoy doing it. And that my friends, I will never, ever do again.

Still keeping my promise though, I played ‘Never Have I Ever’ with a glass of water, and trust me: it’s not that funny without tequila. And after sitting with a  bunch of strangers and for the first time in months craving a goddamn cigarette and having the urge of getting drunk to see if this would get somewhat tolerable, the craziest thing happened.

One great fact about this good friend of mine is, regardless how long we go without speaking and how long we go without seeing each other, I know her like the back of my hand. And if she wanted so desperately to go to that damn house party, she likely wanted something, better yet, someone there. And I am not judging, who am I to do so? But the thing that slightly bothered me was that, she had a knee surgery just a few weeks back and was nearly bailing on our sleepover because she couldn’t bend her damn knee, but then suddenly the opportunity of a quickie showed up and she is all better and ready for duty. Good knee, or not. I know what you are thinking, if the tables were turned, wouldn’t I be bailing on a stupid sleepover to go get laid, too? Honestly, I am not sure. Specially if the case was that guy and he was just…well he screamed fuckboy. But then again, she wasn’t going to marry him, just do him and it’s none of my business. What was unbelievable was that she, in a very drunk stage and after a very drunk attempt to what I guess was flirting with said fuckboy, dragged me to the damn bathroom for moral support I guess and she, fucking, shaved. Look, I was always all about intimacy and being close to my girl friends, but there is a limit to everything.

After that very awkward moment – that I guess did end my year with a gold star –, I was left alone. And dare I say that I felt a little bit used. You see, I knew three people at that party: The host, who was currently busy entertaining the people from the party; My best friend, who was busy entertaining the fuckboy in the bedroom in the party; And another friend, who was busy smoking weed outside the party. And beloved readers, you can’t even imagine how many deep breaths I took and prayed to be teletransported to my room and finish the damn book I was reading and just get the hell out of that party. Everything felt so wrong, so shallow and I just didn’t want my year to end that way.

It took me around 10 minutes to do something about it and announce to the host that as much as I was thrilled to be there, it was late and I had to go. And if the night couldn’t get any worse, one of the strangers, a guy who was very drunk – half because of the alcohol, half because he was most likely in that post-orgasmic high since he, very suspiciously left the kitchen (and jesus christ people eat there!) with a girl with a hella unruly hair following him close behind – asked the host if he could sleepover there and when he said no, they asked me if I could give him a Uber ride, and I guess it sucks to be a good person sometimes because not only I was stuck in traffic because it was pouring outside, I also had to take this drunk kid that I’ve never met before to his house. Not only the kid farted all the way to his building, I was having one of those movie scene moments in which you stare at the window while the rain pours against it, listening to the crappy pop song that was playing and thinking “How the hell this is the end of my year?”

Every New Year’s Eve I get slightly depressed because as said before, I am not good with things ending. I just don’t like the feeling of closure even if many things are still wide open. And it only gets worse when you see all those people making plans and seeing this as a big celebration and they are all you know, kissing and having fun and just not caring and I just can’t do that. There’s not even a reason why I can’t do that it’s just a bunch of things really. Starting with the fact that now my closest friends don’t all live in the same city and they are all in their hometowns during those holidays, plus I wouldn’t even enjoy if I went out with my old friends to get drunk, go to the beach, probably catch some disease accidentally stepping on some piece of glass from a shattered bottle that those crazy drunks left in the sand and kiss a stranger because that’s what I am expected to do. And trust me, I know I sound completely pathetic and that is probably way more exciting for most of you than how I spent my New Year’s Eve – in my room, watching Friends and trying to ignore the firework noises. Maybe I am that boring, but really, not here to ramble about that.

Back in the Uber ride, as soon as we left the fart-boy behind and I was done feeling empty because of a lot of reason I can’t care to mention now, my driver started to talk to me, and since I was already miserable enough, what the hell, right? He told me he was a lawyer and that he worked in the family field, also told me that this was a side job that he used it to make money during the holidays and why not, and he also told me that he loves working with families, and that – and here comes the reason why I am telling you all that – per day he finalizes at least four (4) divorces. What the fuck? I knew deep inside that there was some sort of percentage. Like, I don’t know, 50% of marriages end in divorces but four divorces a day? And I mean, I spoke with one lawyer, imagine the numbers! No, better yet, imagine the amount of money, he mention that the divorces could go from 500$ to like, 10K or more.

And it got me wondering: Is that what love is all about now? Shaving yourself in someone else’s bathroom, having a quickie, maybe failing in love with the man, maybe falling in love with the dick, getting married and months later filing divorce papers?

Trust me, I know the days of affairs to remember and breakfast at Tiffany’s are long gone now. But it has to be more than just that. Love has to be more of that magic stuff we all at some point watched on those black and white movies and less about, well pretty much coming with a deadline until divorce time.

It’s true, the final line of my year came with more questions and itchy doubts about well, pretty much everything that I want for myself when it comes to love. But it actually made me add to my resolution list for 2018 yet another item, an item that I am not sure how to express in words and not actually sure how to achieve, but that somehow, hopefully will show me that between casual sex and before divorce files, there’s at least a little bit of magic in between this mess that love is popular known for. And that is what I want to find out. Call me old fashioned, hopelessly romantic or even pathetic, but if people wrote great love stories, I hardly believe that this, the feeling, the passion, the devotion, was all made up in some fantasy world, so I shall find the magic part too. Even if not in 2018, I won’t stop looking for it, until I prove this wrong.

Great thing is, this actually gave me an idea for a new tattoo, and the next time we talk I will have it already on my body for good. Maybe it will be a little cheesy but hell, I am a little cheesy and so be it. Until next time, don’t offer Uber rides to people with gas troubles, never give up on the magic and please stay out of trouble, but if you don’t – oh my god, tell me all about it.

– Your Girl on the Go