Dear beloved readers,

I had a pretty great week, thank you very much. I think I get to say this after the horrible compilation of weeks I had been having for a while now, and a part of me wants to deny it but I am pretty sure this comes with the fact that I worked out everyday this week. Please feel proud.

For those of you who are wondering, my friend and I are doing somewhat better than we were on the week before. Right back on the friendship track where we belong and were we shall remain, Amen! And besides that I went to see RENT again for the 23rd time (if you don’t know what the heck RENT is, please delete yourself.) and besides the fact that I officially hate doing group projects, I can say that I had a pretty good one.

I am here though to bring up a topic that is mainly uncomfortable but mostly annoying. Exes. Yes you read it just right, ex husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, friends. It doesn’t matter which one you have, we can all agree that they suck. Or so I thought so.

One of my closest friend happened to message me on the beginning of the week around 3am because she was, and I quote, freaking out because she was about to go back to her ex. Which the freaking out part made totally sense because as far as I knew, her ex was freaking the worst. I frowned a bit as I read the message and got uncomfortable to say the very least. Why, would anyone want to go back to their exes if they are, specially in this case, exes for a very good reason?

I couldn’t judge her, I didn’t know what was like to have an ex since, newsflash, I never actually dated. You can laugh. In fact the only guy I actually hooked up for a while that kinda felt as if we were walking into the relationship land, ended up giving me gingivitis and later on, calling me batshit crazy because I showed up in a party that he was apparently giving gingivitis another girl. Don’t worry, my gums and I are okay now, thank God. But anyways, this was the closest to a relationship I’ve ever been, well sort of, but I knew for a fact that not even if you guys paid me, I’d go back to that batshit crazy dude.

A voice in my head told me this had something to do with feelings. And it was true, I didn’t have feelings for said gingivitis guy. So when my friend message me with her ex crisis, and how she was in fact, actually, very much considering this, I nearly threw my fist in her face, in a loving way of course. And so I asked her why in Lord’s name she would do that if her ex, really, is batshit crazy? And she simply said “I just don’t want to be alone.”

That was one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard and it made me so reflexive. It’s kinda bizarre this human necessity of other people and attention and love. This eternal fear of being alone seems to be consuming and pretty much driving everyone desperate; To be wanted, to be loved, not to be alone. So of course it makes sense to fall back into old habits, old feelings, old relationships. It’s easy, you know that person, you are somewhat in a comfort zone with that person. You know how it is like to kiss them, and how they make you feel, you know you don’t have to feel that insecurity that comes in the beginning of every damn relationship because they already know everything. It pretty much feels like when you try that old pair of jeans that you had to put aside after that winter break that you happened to gain a few pounds, but since you like them so much you figured it wouldn’t hurt to leave them there, you know, just in case someday they fit again. And then forever goes by and you forget about the jeans until one day you are bored and you decide to try it on just for old times sake, and it actually fits. But than again, it’s not because they fit that you should wear them. And that’s not my fashion side practically screaming that you should never, ever, under no circumstances, wear last season clothes. 

This comfort zone is to me something very dangerous and if you don’t be careful it will be worst than like, I don’t know comfort food. They make you feel better but in the end they only cause you bad things. Going back to your ex sounds extremely similar to watching a musical revival after you already saw the original. And we all know what they say about sequels and revivals….just no.

I even got deeper in this whole reflexion and I tumbled across this BuzzFeed video that is called ‘Exes Kiss For The First Time Since Their Breakup’ and it actually not only reminded me of the gingivitis guy – yikes –, but it actually made me realize that the thing that keeps dragging people back together, regardless if their break up was based on something serious or just an agreement not to be together anymore, is chemistry. Pure and simple. And we go right back to the comfort zone, so like some sort of comfort chemistry. Which is safe, I agree, but also sounds extremely boring.

What sucked about this whole trying to be a good friend thing was that, whatever I had to say didn’t matter. It wasn’t my choice to make and I hardly believe she would take advice from someone who never had a relationship, therefor didn’t know what she was going through, which made sense. She probably would go straight to someone who would tell her something dumb like “Everyone deserves a second chance”, and when she got to tell this person that she already gave the ex the second chance – I forgot to mention that but yep, it’s true–, they would reply yet again “Three times is a charm! You go girl!” or something as pathetic as that.

I know in the end of the day my friend might choose not to follow whatever advice I gave her that pretty consisted on the jeans theory. Maybe because she really feels lonely, maybe because she doesn’t trust the words of some exless person. But I will say this: I may be too young and too inexperienced to understand what love really is, but I’ve gathered enough to know a little bit about what love isn’t. Love isn’t about being lonely at three in the morning and missing having someone giving you attention just for the sake of you feeling adored. Love isn’t about being horny and wanting to get off because it seems like forever since the last time you did it. Love isn’t about games and putting on fake feelings just to comfort the fact that you are alone, and that in the end of the day we all are, and that is okay. I think a lot of times we want to convince ourselves that we are in love, build some fake reality just to have the excuse to commit the same mistakes. And I don’t judge that. But love is not about who you miss at three in the morning when you are horny and bothered, it’s about who you want to be with at three in the afternoon when you are happy and lazy. Someone who will kiss you where it hurts and until it hurts. And that’s important. Someone who not only knows how to turn you on but also knows how to treat you right is someone worth a little something… and a little more than usual. That’s not only love, but it is exactly what my friend, or anyone for that matter deserves. And no one should settle for less. Not even when you just want to have a comfort meal.

This went a little cheesier than I thought but, I guess it made sense in the end and overall this is the side effect of watching RENT, I swear to you guys I was watching for the 23rd time, it was the exact same thing, Angel was dying on the stage, Collins holding her close as Mimi and Roger sang of life going on but dying without each other, and there I was sobbing like a little girl and partially smiling because I knew that was what love really was about. And I hope my friend somehow realizes this too, and if you were about to fall back to the wrong lines in Great Gatsby again, sweetie, that boy’s got a green light smile with a gun prodding the center of your back. So just don’t.

Until next time, don’t fall back for your exes and please, dear god please, don’t kiss people with gingivitis (!!!), and as always, stay out of trouble, but if you don’t – oh my god, tell me all about it.

– Your Girl on the Go