Dear beloved readers,
There are reasons to why I am about to warn you this post may end up being utterly shitty. First of all, I will start by saying that this whole week, and what feels like an endless PMS, has been very hard and frustrating for me. I think it is the sum of a million things if I am being quite honestly, the end of college, summed with my period, and the lack of a Halloween night with my girls…Which happens to be the second item in this moody list, I am grieving over the fact that there will be no Halloween this year due to obvious reasons. Last year I dressed up as a French hooker who killed men for fun, they really don’t tell you how much you value the golden days once they are gone…
But this year, maybe due to the PMS, or the sad vibe this whole year had, I feel more depressed than spooky, exhibit A: I just cried watching Hocus Pocus, which tells a lot about me as a person I guess. Truth is beloved readers, it has been quite the challenge to find things to talk about in here, my life is feeling a little like Viola’s life in The Haunting of the Bly Manor – if you haven’t watched yet, please do me this favor – in which I wake up, I walk, I sleep. Okay, truth being told, sometime that walking doesn’t really happen, seriously my bed got my butt imprinted on it. My point is, it has been hard. And in a week in which nothing really felt right, like crying watching Lebron James’ documentary bad, I didn’t feel like coming here and talking either, but I do miss you guys, and I do beat myself up when I don’t post, so here I am, to bullshit for a couple of paragraphs and wish for better days.
Okay let’s start with a purchase that changed my life, and I do mean to be dramatic but it’s PMS, you guys get it, bear with me. So every since staying at home is the only choice for well, all of us, your girl on the go, that isn’t going nowhere, has became more found than ever of online shopping. How can I begin to describe what online shopping means to me? Simply put, it has been giving my life meaning, which maybe makes me sound completely shallow and a big capitalist with a $ on the S, but really, I am bored, I see stuff, if I can, I buy it. It’s not always so don’t go on and say I am stuck on some vicious cycle and need to go to a shopaholics anonymous meeting as soon as possible, I just like to spoil myself when I feel like I deserve it, which I did about a month ago when I decided to buy a really expensive item, that left a hole in my banking account the size of Texas, but took a whole month to get here.
So, since I became the Barbra Streisand of skincare, and everyone knows the best, most relaxing hour of the day is when you get yourself a helluva nice sheet mask on and just relax for 20, I decided to gift myself with a Foreo UFO. It’s basically this device, that is so beautiful it looks like jewelry, and you put a sheet mask on it, and when you bring that delightful little UFO looking thing against your skin, it heats, it cools, it vibrates, it has LED lights – this is beginning to sound like a sponsorship, and I wish it was –, you get the picture, it is fucking fantastic. It transports me to a SPA and I feel like I am the queen of this bloody universe, I get so relaxed I can’t even remember the name of the virus that ruined all of our year.
But like I said, it was one of those purchases that only exist to prove how impatient I am, and I know many of you don’t know this, but I may be the most impatient person on this world, seriously ask my boyfriend how I get when the Eagles play at prime time and I have to wait the whole day to watch them play, it’s not cute. And after a whole month – which last face it, it’s forever in corona time – it got here. The day it finally arrived, I was like, so freaking happy. I opened the box so fast I almost cut my finger, the tissue paper was thrown all around my room and the plastic box that held the UFO inside was nearly destroyed. But then I looked at it and I froze. This was Tuesday, a very special day because it’s a day off for us, but the PMS was already hitting strong, and I don’t know about you guys but my PMS doesn’t only involve physical stuff like pains and what not, I get sad, and paranoid, and at times very insecure too. Of course I don’t let my mind wonder too much around those corners because I remind myself that this shall only last a week, whenever red week starts I will be brand as new. But the minute I got my beloved gadget for masking, the little PMS consumed, little bitch of a voice in my head questioned if I deserved this moment.
I think I sat down and battled with myself for what felt like a whole year what did this mean. Skincare is a form of self-care, which in times like this is so important to take a time for us to just care for ourselves. You don’t have to be doing skincare particularly, but anything that makes you feel remotely nice about yourself, that’s self-care right there, working it’s power and keeping you sane. And self-care, unlike my mind was trying to sabotage me into thinking, is not only for the good days, it’s for every damn day. It’s supposed to be so often it becomes almost a boundary, I need my self-care time and nothing and nobody, not even my twisted mind, can take it away from me. I did that UFO sheet mask with a frown between my eyebrows, angry at myself for taking 20 minutes to understand that I could do this even if a part of my mind was saying I didn’t deserve it, but this goes as proof that no matter how often you practice self-care, self-love, all of those things, sometimes the lines will get blurred and old habits will be hard to break from, but in times like that it’s important to remember that this, much like many things, even waiting for packagings, require a good patience. There’s no magic formula that will teach you how to understand your worth, but there are many little things you can do everyday that will help you get there, self-care being one, prioritizing yourself being another, knowing and respecting your boundaries being perhaps the main one, but you have to stick with this almost mantra of taking care of yourself, because at one point, much like quarantine and the good ol’ routine, this starts to become a habit, a great one, and when you realize how empowering it is to be the main priority in your life, everything just flows a little better.
Beloved readers, it’s not been easy for any of us. This year I won’t be dressing like anything and there will be no cheap wine and candy with my favorite girls, singing Taylor Swift and dancing around a shoebox apartment – having to get up at 7am with a headache and a seminar to present the next morning, the good ol’ days –, but I will count on my self-care routine to keep me a little more sane. If you are in the US, please vote! Another four years of Donald Trump will be the real spooky season, we cannot let that happen. And if you have been feeling down – and let’s face it, who isn’t? –, try taking a couple of seconds and do something that makes you feel nice, it can be whatever you want, even procrastinate if you need to, well as long as you promise me you will stay out of trouble, but if you don’t – oh my god, tell me all about it.
– Your Girl on the Go