My dear beloved readers,
I waited until the very last minutes of Friday to write this one. If there is one thing I am learning about myself with this blog is that, without a doubt, my life is pretty crazy. And my weeks? A lot happen during them and this one in particular is about to become history.
Originally, I wanted to write about what it is actually like to become a grown up, because really, it is actually too much. For instance, this week I had not one, not two, but three emotional break downs about…I don’t even know. I am a very active person and I do a lot of things everyday and while fulfilling in some ways, in others it’s just pretty overwhelming.
Recently I started to notice that maybe, what they say is pretty right. As we get older we tend to forget how to do simple things, like for example, having fun. Don’t get me wrong, I will be the first one to want to go hang out with my friends and do enjoyable things, have a laugh, talk until the late hours, even go to pubs and just drink and chill, but recently whenever I am out with friends or sometimes just talking to them between classes, I have so many things going on in my mind that I actually have to tell my brain to shut the fuck up, stop thinking and let me enjoy those moments. And when I said that out loud this week to one of my closest friends, she gave me the most awkward look I’ve ever seen in my life.
And then I realized, I stress myself with all those things that in the end of the day pretty much don’t matter and I forget that yes, while I am a grown up person, which means I have responsibilities and expectations, that doesn’t mean I am not young and that I am not allowed to enjoy things like getting drunk and laughing at silly jokes.
Which leads us to the grand finale of my week.
You see, I hate to be that person, but please trust me when I say that if the universe tries to tell you something, even in the most shitty way possible like making you late for an important appointment and making you pretty much fuck up your entire agenda that day, take that as a big freaking sign that no, nothing good will happen on that day. And whatever you do, don’t try to cover this huge bad day with even worse decisions.
Okay, after not making to my appointment, I went straight to the bus station so I could come back to my parent’s home. We had a big weekend because of a national holiday and I figured it would be good for that whole existencial grown up crisis I was having. Which landed me with my night plan, me and two friends that used to be pretty close friends in like, 2013, decided to go out for drinks and whatever. I was thrilled when we made the plans because really, I do love them with all my heart and I missed having their friendship so much…but oh boy, if only I listened to the damn universe once in a lifetime.
I had that whole weight of the world on my small shoulders creeping me all week, and that day, started so stressful that when I was getting ready to meet with them I decided I wanted to do something silly, something easy, something a teenager would do and laugh it off later. I wanted to get very drunk and don’t give a single fuck about it.
Big spoiler: I did get very drunk. Another big spoiler: I did give a lot of fucks about it.
Listen, here is the thing, I know everyone gets drunk, I know everyone is allowed to have one night and decide to just throw every last care away and make bad decisions. But sweet Jesus, I did made an amount of bad decisions yesterday and as my mom told me this morning, I am getting old for that. And I know she wasn’t talking about alcohol, she was talking about limits.
Yesterday, in my mid break down over getting shit faced and doing whatever I wanted, I drink more colorful drinks yet again with a pretty empty stomach, accidentally blocked my mother’s credit card when I tried to pay the damn bill, probably ruined my friendship with my closest, dearest friend because I was drunk and having mixed feelings and to top all that, as if things couldn’t get any worse, I slept with my makeup on.
Surprisingly, no headache. But a moral hungover? Oh that is gonna hunt me for a while now. Pro tip: Eat before you drink. Don’t project past, very dead feelings on the present. Don’t forget your mother’s credit card passcode. And above everything, know your limits and don’t, for a second think it will be fun to go above and beyond them.
Right now my life is a mess, and I am starting to question my feelings about a lot of things. If you read my previous text, I know what you are thinking and trust me, Harry never seemed so right to me either. But this time I just really wished for things to either end up like they did for him and Sally in the movie, or to go back in time and never let anything happen.
And to top everything, my mother made me watch that damn movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You”, and gave me a whole speech about me loving the idea of a person and making everything for them to fit whatever fantasy I built about them in my head. Which, unfortunately sounded very true. So I cried a little bit and we watched every Disney movie I found, and that kind helped me with the previous problem. Apparently I am not that of a grown up as I thought I were.
And since I am pretty sure I killed my friendship and my mother will never trust me with her credit card again, I will just try to have a good, normal week for once.
Until next time, don’t get shit faced because you want to avoid your life problems and please don’t block your credit cards, as always stay out of trouble but if you are like me, I know you won’t so, just tell me all about it.
– Your Girl on the Go