My dear beloved readers,
I must admit I am not only a little bit tipsy right now, but I’m also having one of those post-alcoholic bad vibes, if you know what I mean.
Since this is my first actual post besides the blog introduction, I am going to start by apologizing since this will probably sound a little more ‘down’ than I expected my first actual post here to be. But I think it’s part of the whole journal thing, not everything is meant to be happy and careless in life, unfortunately. So, let’s just get it over with.
As you will further know, I have three best friends since I am 12, in fact one of them is my best friend since I am 6 years old, we basically grew up together and he even was my roommate for around two months, but that didn’t quite work out, story for another day…Anyways, my three best friends happen to be the people I trust the most in my life. They were there thru thick and thin and they held my hand when I was falling apart. We happen to be one of those groups who just like post-its stick together forever. But for some reason, tonight felt different.
Maybe it is the post-alcoholic bad vibe speaking to me louder than it should, or maybe those are facts. Last year, as three out of the four of us graduated high school and moved to another city to start college, me included, our other friend decided to do an exchange program to Germany, so meanwhile we were getting our degrees and acceptance letters, he was doing Euro-tours and living life the best he possible could. And just last month he came back after a year away. A year in which so much happened, so much changed. We all got in college, we all moved away from our home town, we all met new people, made new friends, started to date and to have sex and to just you know, be. And tonight, well tonight the four of us met for the first time in a year.
Before I go any further, I must admit: This isn’t the first time I feel this way. You see, while one of my best friends was living with me, my bestest friend and the other girl from our little group moved to the same town but since her college was a little far away, she couldn’t live with us, and as sad as it was at the time, now I am kinda glad. You see, after my roomie and I decided there was no way we could live together, – not even going to talk about what was like to live with a boy who just discovered how to do a proper joint and with that, apparently he forgot how to wash his underwear, yikes – I decided I just loved living alone. It’s true, I love everything about it: Waking up naked, doing just one cup of coffee every morning, washing the dishes whenever I want to, go to sleep naked, masturbate, sing show-tunes until my neighbor slams the wall, being naked!!!!!!, and among other things…But, back in the topic, after the three of us parted our separate ways, even if not that far away something was still kinda off.
My ex roommate happened to be in the same college as me, just in a different course, so we used to run into each other pretty often, and besides we lived in the same block. And while me and my bestest friend still did things together such as going to the theatre and eating sushi every once in a while (because really, those are our favorite things), it was weird not to see them everyday. And so we started to drift apart, new friendships began, along with new romances and when I noticed not even my birthday we celebrated together anymore, and that was one of our many traditions, but I will get to that later.
And so we stablished our lives as college freshmen, our other best friend was on his way home, and so six months later, he was back and everything was supposed to be back to normal. Those weeks without even messaging should be long gone, and we should start to at least try to do a weekly thing, something cool, something us, something as a family, because that is what we were, a family.
But when it didn’t happen it got me wondering: Does friendships come with an expiration date?
I hope I am wrong, I hope the answer to that question is a big fat ‘NO’. But as we sat on my house’s balcony, sharing a cheap whine bottle and sitting on beach chairs, letting the liquor make us all fuzzy and lighter, I listen to them talk. You see as for now, I haven’t met the girl my best friend was dating since he moved to Germany, I didn’t know half of the sexual adventures my bestestfriend was having with her almost-boyfriend, I didn’t know my ex roommate and best friend since I was 6 years old was now also almost dating and I didn’t even know the girl’s name, or the fact that now he was doing much more than just smoking joints. And I did had things they didn’t know as well, things that didn’t felt right telling them there, and I had this terrible urge to message my new friends from college, whom I know for less than a year, just to say ‘Hey, remember when we got drunk on the rooftop and sang Adele until 3am?’ because this was something me and my new best friends did now, and I started to think and they are the people I now tag on funny facebook posts, they are the ones who I see everyday, and drink coffee with, the ones I now call after midnight to talk about my issues, the ones whom now know me better than anyone. And I know we all are allowed to have more than one group of best friends, but why did it felt as if I had found a new family? A larger, more colorful, more mature family? Not saying they were better but they sure felt, in that moment, so much more right.
Sure, I am upset right now. I feel as if I am in a battle with myself in which I miss the old me because I miss my old memories and I miss all the moments I shared with my three best friends, but in the other hand, I love the person I’ve become since I moved away, since I started college, since I started to learn that I am so much more than I thought I were, more than I thought I could ever be. And the truth is, I am scared of losing people that I love and that at some point they will be memories as well, but for now I will do something I don’t do since I am 12, maybe because I am feeling nostalgic, maybe because I am a little more than tipsy and with that, very lazy, but right now, I will publish this one and sleep with my makeup on since the bathroom is too far away, and later, maybe later, I will message my group chat with my three still bestest friends just so we don’t let it die, and because deep inside I know someday we will, but as long as I can hold on to that, I will.
Until next time, and since my mother is getting her brows tattooed tomorrow luckily I will be back with a funny one. But until then, don’t sleep with your makeup on and stay out of trouble, but if you don’t – oh my god, tell me all about it.
– Your Girl on the Go